dreaming, speed, (Alex: #cut_to_next_scene)

Dreams about gardens, walking through gardens, big houses with a thousand doors, boxes that you can open and find things in, shifting the reality to something completely different. explaining my ** (edit re:Alex: you)  what i have in my boxes. dreaming about talking to them and really getting to know them/me/you. 
You answering the questions really honestly, I am talking to you like I completely understand what you mean, telling you about our favorite gardens and you feeling like we are totally in sync. 

i dreamed a lot about flying when i was young. the feeling of having to work really hard but then it would pay off, at some point suddenly i would float a bit higher above the ground. and then i was just working to get higher, so that people would not be able to keep me down to the ground. - i needed them to not be able to reach,
And then the fear of coming down to the ground again, cause there is where all people that might keep me down are. 
i don't know why people are scary in these dreams, but one of the reasons is probably because there is so many of them and that i cant be in that crowd, 
.... keeps me down 

speed. speed is a part of dreaming too. Fast, being chased. and so often i dream about being shot in the back. 

what interests me more

the shiny things 

the desperate struggle to exist 

the desperate struggle to live on 

and the need to 000 give up

its like a nightmare now.

there are so many people that remind me of you, but you remind me of nobody.

i know we all want a happy ending. 

we are all conditioned to doubt that _but _ anyway _ maybe we have to start from another way. we have to make it fun, we have to make it . happy . 

close to nature - the perfect disease of being repressed. but still I will make everything  shiny. 

(Alex: #cut_to_next_scene)